Emotions are not bad. Actually, they are there for a reason. They are kind of messengers that tell you what is happening inside your body. So by being mindful of your emotions, you actually get more connected to yourself and your needs. You, then, are able to choose the best behavior and attitudes. For example, feeling tired means you need to sleep. Feeling afraid when facing a real danger alerts you and prepares you to deal with it. What is not helpful, however, is how you may react to them. Intuitively, you may try to find a distraction (binge eating in front of the TV when you feel sad for example) or try to ignore them, making them even bigger. As we say, “what we resist, persists”. They can also become uncontrollable, or in other words, they can control you. If you feel angry because your colleagues have not invited you to a party and you start to ruminate and get caught up in your emotions, this is the kind of situation where you can just lose your ability to control your behavior. You might just tell them or do something that you might regret. And what if the fact that you are not invited is just due to an administrative error or a misunderstanding? It reminds me of that quote from the Greek philosopher Aristotle: getting angry is okay so long as you get “angry for the right reason with the right person to the right degree using the right words with the right tone of voice and appropriate language”. So how mindfulness can help you deal with your emotions?
With mindfulness, you don’t try to change the nature of the emotions, you just notice, acknowledge and accept them with kindness and no-judgement. You are a better self-observer and this is what I have found personally very insightful. For instance, with my two active young children, it was easy to lose my temper and say things that I regret after. Now with mindfulness, I can detect the emotions when arising by noticing –without getting caught up in - some of my body signals (for me it is when my jaw starts to clench) and my thoughts. That is really helpful to not react in an inappropriate, destroying and unthoughtful way. Instead, it allows me to pause, to consider the situation from their points of view (which may be so different from mine… yes, beds are like trampoline, so why can’t we jump on them?!), to remind me of my role as a parent (“What is the teaching opportunity in this situation?”) and to have a more helpful response. OK, I admit it is not always easy when we feel tired, or when it is the twentieth time that you tell them not to jump onto your bed, but I am improving myself and I am more conscious and intentional. And that’s what is important, nobody is perfect. Learning how to deal with your emotions should be one of the top educational priority for children and it starts with you. It is a crucial personal developmental goals and, according to Daniel Goleman, the leading researcher on emotional intelligence, it is a “good factor that determine life success”. And of course, it is also an important quality to better live all together in this world.
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AuthorHi ! I'm Nadege Esteban. As a Mindfulness Trainer and Coach, I promote mindfulness as a way of living and working… and I gave myself this personal mission: to inspire as much as possible people to give mindfulness a try and hopefully to adopt it in their daily life. Be Inspired
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