Lucy was one of - the so - many women who are going under diet in their life time. She has tried it all, Dukan, Atkinson, Montignac, Cavemen etc… but it didn’t work. And this is not surprising! There is a well-documented research from Katan in 2009 that suggest that most diets don’t work. So she decided not to listen to what people were telling her to do but to listen to herself, just eating what and when she really needs it: “I got up one day and made a commitment to a new way of being. I wouldn’t diet. I wouldn’t calorie-count. I would try to listen to my body and what my body needed at all times.” And it worked, from feeling more at peace with food, eating a lot less and making healthier decisions to getting more energy. Yes like many other things, when it comes to eating, literature is full of theories – often contradictory – about what you should or shouldn’t eat. We just end up not knowing what to do and who to follow. And why not trusting your own body’s wisdom? This is exactly what Mindfulness is about. And a growing body of studies suggests that mindfulness applied to eating may help for weight loss and preventing weight gain[i]. What is Mindfulness? I like to define Mindfulness as the practice of the 3A: Attention, Awareness and Attitudes. It is about paying attention and be aware of what is happening inside you (your thoughts, your feelings, your body sensations) and around you in the present moment with specific attitudes. When applied to eating (aka “mindful eating”), it is about being aware of WHAT you eat (foods high in sugar, salt etc), WHY you eat (are you bored, tired, sad, happy) and HOW you eat (are you on autopilot?). How Mindfulness can help you?
How to get started? Try with these practices:
ASK YOURSELF: What are your eating habits? Think about the last meal you had and ask yourself:
[i] Tapper, K., et al. (2009). Exploratory randomised controlled trial of a mindfulness-based weight loss intervention for women. Appetite, 52:2, 396404.
Koithan, M. (2009) Mind-body solutions for obesity. Journal of Nursing Practice, 5:7, 536–537. Lillis, J., et al. (2009) Teaching acceptance and mindfulness to improve the lives of the obese: a preliminary test of a theoretical model. Ann. Behavioral Medicine, 37, 5869. Hugo, J.E.M., et al. (2010). Coping with food cravings. Investigating the potential of a mindfulness-based intervention. Appetite, 55:1, 160163. Article featured on HuffingtonPost on 12/07/2016 You can read it here Are you one of those enthusiastic meditators who always find the time, no matter what, to meditate? Here, I am not talking about monks in a monastery, I am talking about people like you and me, who are managing their time between family, work, household tasks, friends and all the other activities that a day may contain. Truth is that only a few of us really succeed to do it, day after day. After a few days, the initial enthusiasm and good resolutions are not there anymore. Despite the fact that the key element to reap the benefits from meditation is consistency, only a few of us have the discipline to continue and benefit from consistent meditation practice. Meditation is a life-long commitment. If we know that meditation is good for us, and thousands of studies [1] confirm that, why do we not take it up or cease doing it? From my personal experience, this is not really a problem about the “how to do it”- most of us have been enrolled in a meditation program. The issue is more about “how to stick to it into our busy life”. I was involved in different meditation programs and although the content was great, I was never taught specifically how to integrate and maintain it in my daily life. I remember at the beginning when there were days when I completely forgot to do it and other days where I didn’t feel like I wanted to practice. I was always able to find a legitimate excuse (no time with my baby, my parents visiting me or trip with my family…). Fortunately, thanks to my background in coaching and training, I found a system that has helped me tremendously to get back on track and even rekindle my enthusiasm for my meditation practice. With the right framework, some guidance and resources, it becomes much easier to become a consistent and enthusiastic meditator. And this is what I share in my book “The Enthusiastic Meditator: how to finally stick to your meditation practice” [2]. Here, I would like to share with you 3 secrets to help you to finally stick to your meditation practice. FIRST SECRET: BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN DO IT The first secret for meditating is simple but not so easy: You need to first believe that you can do it! YES, YOU CAN DO IT! If others can do it, why not you? There are numerous examples of very busy people who can still find time to meditate: Oprah Winfrey, the late Steve Jobs, Arianna Huffington, Jeff Weiner, Deepak Chopra, Kobe Bryant, Jennifer Aniston, Gisele Bündchen, Ellen DeGeneres, Cameron Diaz, Yukio Hatoyama (former prime minister of Japan), Clint Eastwood, David Lynch, Martin Scorsese, Russell Simmons, Angelina Jolie, Derek Jeter, Madonna, and so many more! Remember: “The first step is that you have to say that you can.” (Will Smith) SECOND SECRET: BUILD YOUR MEDITATION PRACTICE AS ANY OTHER HABIT The second secret is to build your meditation practice as one of your habits, like writing, running, waking up early, going sugar-free, eating more vegetables etc. We now know that willpower is not enough to rely on. So we need to look for another strategy with other tools: I’m talking about habits. The idea is that “we first make our habits, and then our habits make us” (John Dryden). Why? Because the more you create the automaticity of meditation practice, the easier it becomes to do. This is the principle of any habit. You may now think that “uh ok but I haven’t been able yet to add reading as a habit, so how would I be able to do it for meditation?” My answer is: re-read the first secret. YES, YOU CAN DO IT! Moreover, thanks to researchers and authors like Charles Duhigg, James Clear, BJ Fogg, we now know more about the science of habits and behaviour design which gives us some tips on how to build the meditation habit (More on that in my next article). THIRD SECRET: MAKE YOUR MEDITATION PRACTICE AN ENJOYABLE ONE The third secret is to make this new habit an enjoyable one. According to Marisa Peer [3] “your mind is hardwired to moving towards pleasure and staying away from pain.” I do believe that if your meditation practice is too painful, your mind will do everything not to experience it anymore. So it is important to find ways to make your practice enjoyable. In my first meditation program, we were asked to practice 45 minutes each day for 8 weeks right from the beginning. At that time, being a new mum with a baby several months old, I clearly remember telling myself “how am I going to do this?” I blamed myself for not being able to do it regularly and was about to stop (fortunately I did not!). The point that I want to make here is that if it seems like a chore for you, then you are not setting yourself up for success. I do believe that meditation is more like a treat because it helps you to get a pause in the midst of busyness and to take care of your mental hygiene. “The busier we are, the more we need that centring time—that time to actually be able to connect to our inner wisdom,” says Arianna Huffington. Keep these 3 secrets in mind for your next meditation practice. I will share with you in my next articles more tips on how to build the meditation habit. REFERENCES [1] Madhav Goyal; Sonal Singh; Erica M. S. Sibinga; Neda F. Gould; Anastasia Rowland-Seymour; Ritu Sharma; et al. “Meditation Programs for Psychological Stress and Well-being: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis.” JAMA Internal Medicine, 6 Jan. 2014. [2] Nadege Esteban, 2016, “The Enthusiastic Meditator: how to finally stick to your meditation practice”. Foreword by Shamash Alidina. [3] Marisa Peer, TEDxKCS “To reach beyond your limits by training your mind”: http://bit.ly/1VTPitU. I believe I am here in this world to be the best I can be and do the best I can do. So that’s why personal growth is what underlines everything in my life and I am one of those who likes to go for courses or do online classes (I successfully passed my third Master Degree two years ago) and who eagerly devour countless self-help books and articles online. And I am not the only one in this case. When I look at the pile of self-help books in any bookstores, I realize how many theories, practices, habits, are available today. On Amazon, there are 296 465 books and 20 001 eBooks referenced under the “Self-help” section today. They show us how to have a better life, to eat better, to sleep better, to exercise better, to be more creative, happy, confident, serene and so on. With so much information (and sometimes contradictory ones) and choices, I often feel overwhelmed. But that was before learning and practicing mindfulness. Now my approach is a bit different and I feel more serene and clear about that. I still read a lot of self-help books and go for training because I find them eyes-opening, sometimes stretching and they widen the number of possibilities that are offered to me, so I can make an informed choice. What has changed is that I am more able to match and select only the right ones to my needs and where I am on my journey. Some may be very beneficial and highly valuable but I may not be ready for them yet. And some may not be right for me, so I better not apply them into my life. In my personal journey, one of the greatest discovery I made thanks to my practice of mindfulness (and what I have found for me that works best), is to develop my awareness so I can make a wiser decision. Mindfulness is about being aware of what is happening inside you and around you in the present moment with some specific attitudes. So my mindfulness practice has helped me to develop my self-awareness and to know myself better: my needs, my beliefs and limiting beliefs, my bully and sabotaging inner voice, my thoughts, my emotions, my mind traps and biases, my perceptions, my desires and so on. I am now more able to choose the right tools and practices that best fit me in the present moment. And I deeply believe now that it is totally pointless to read all these self-help articles on Internet or books and copy the routines of very successful people, if you don’t really know yourself well enough to select and invest in the right advices for yourself. Let me explain that with a personal example. When it comes to physical activities, some people recommend you to run whereas for others it is better not to run but better to walk, some advise us to practice cardio-type exercises, some researchers say it depends on your blood type or others tell on your energy profile… I don’t know for you, but for me, I just end up not knowing who to follow, what to do, too overwhelmed, and maybe stuck by those plethora of information. I have learnt quite a lot about physical activities and sport, getting two Masters Degrees at the Sport Science University in France, practicing about 15 hours of sport there, then teaching physical education for children with special needs, and working in Sport federations to promote the practice of physical activities. And if you ask me: “which physical activities should I practice?” Before, I would have tell you this or this. Now, I will just tell you that I don’t know and I cannot know. It is only you, with your self-awareness and self-knowledge that can discover which ones are best for you. Today I am so happy to have found the right balance of practice for me between walking every weekdays outside (luckily I live in Malaysia so it’s hot every day), yoga and Zumba once a week. And this is really after getting into mindfulness, that I have been able to really notice which ones were beneficial and which ones were not for me. And I won’t tell anyone to do the same physical activities as me because that may not be the ones that fit them best! And I guess it also depends on your stage of life. Before, I was perfectly fine playing baseball, volleyball in competitions, but now, I deeply feel that these are not what best fits me in this period of my life. Recently, I did a yoga program with 2 yoga teachers. Both were having a different style of yoga. One was more a “fitness-style” of yoga and the other one was more a “mindful way” of practicing yoga (slow movements, use of the breath etc.). And it did not have the same effects on me. After the “fitness-style” of yoga I was completely depleted, so hungry and not efficient at work, whereas for the second one I really felt energized, revitalized and more than ready to work. And at the same time, I know some other people who did the same program and who had a preference for the “fitness-style” of yoga. That’s it. Everybody will have different needs and the solution to these needs may be different. So, I deeply feel that
Now it is your turn. I have some questions for you: - What do you do for your personal growth? - What guides you in your personal growth? Please share your thoughts :) A connoisseur is someone who knows, who knows how to appreciate and to taste. Originally confined for arts and wine, it is now commonly used in every part life, including life itself. In my mindfulness class, I like to make this analogy. Think about the connoisseur of wine. Do they chug the entire glass in one gulp? No! They really take the time to fully enjoy the wine and the experience they get from drinking it. They will carefully look at it – its colours, texture…-, smell it, taste it and finally savour it. It is the same with life: Become a connoisseur of life! For me, being a connoisseur of life is about fully live your life aligned with your values and your purpose, enjoying the present moment, paying attention to every moment of it, being engaged and immersed entirely with all your senses and your heart. It is appreciating your life as it is, being open and curious to whatever may arise, being enthusiastic and playful about it and recognizing every little joy along the way. And yes, it is about being mindful. Mindfulness is an approach to life, a way of engaging with yourself and the world around you in an alert and awake manner. It is about waking up to your life! And the more you practice it, the more you will develop the part of brain related to being mindful instead of being always worried about the future or regretful about the past. So, from now on, taste your life as a wine connoisseur tastes his wine. Try new experiences as a wine connoisseur will try new wines from all over the world. Just consider life as a fine wine: Taste, expand your knowledge, appreciate and be grateful. By Nadege ESTEBAN, Founder of Wise Mind. As a certified professional coach, she lives by her passionately endorsed motto - “Success isn’t just about what you accomplish in your life, it’s about what you inspire others to do”. This philosophy of life is what motivates and inspires her to grow every day and to take action toward her goals to improve not only her life but also the lives of those around her. This is the #1 question I receive at Wise Mind. Here is my answer. Hope it will help! :) What is the difference between meditation and mindfulness? There are different styles of meditations (transcendental, mantra-based…) and mindfulness is one of them. And, mindfulness is not only a practice, it is also a way of being in this world. It is about cultivating a state of awareness with openness and kindness. It can be practiced through mindfulness meditations (when you set a time to practice) and/or through your everyday activities (for example, while waiting in a queue, instead of checking your phone, just take the time to notice your surroundings and/or focus your attention on your breath). Some people practice mindfulness during the day without meditating, and that’s ok! Of course, by practicing both, you will enjoy more of the benefits from mindfulness. Reciprocally, since Mindfulness is also a state of awareness that we bring to our daily activities, you can be practicing other styles of meditation mindfully. So, even though, mindfulness and meditation are not the same, they may be combined and enrich each other greatly.
Did you know that:
No wonder we often feel overwhelmed! By practicing mindfulness, you will be able to step back from those thoughts and get a quality of mind that is clearer. By Nadege ESTEBAN, Founder of Wise Mind. As a certified professional coach, she lives by her passionately endorsed motto - “Success isn’t just about what you accomplish in your life, it’s about what you inspire others to do”. This philosophy of life is what motivates and inspires her to grow every day and to take action toward her goals to improve not only her life but also the lives of those around her. How to live a more mindful life? Start by paying attention to your life… Simple but not so easy. Why? Because we get easily distracted. Our attention is constantly being hijacked by external stimulations and internal distractions like your mental chatter. Did you know that our mind is wandering nearly 47% of the daily*, meaning half our day we are focusing our attention on something other than the present. Huge, isn’t it? “The challenge for so many of us is that we are so deep into daily distractions and 'being busy, busy' that we miss out on those moments and opportunities that - if jumped on - would get our careers and personal lives to a whole new level of wow.” (Robin S. Sharma) So what to do? Don’t let distractions be your master… be their Master. Be more aware of those distractions (when surfing compulsively and wastefully on Internet for example) and focus on what is more important for you to fully live your life. Mindfulness training will help you to:
* Matthew A. Killingsworth*, Daniel T. Gilbert, “A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind”. Science, 12 November 2010, Vol. 330 no. 6006 p. 932 By Nadege ESTEBAN, Founder of Wise Mind. As a certified professional coach, she lives by her passionately endorsed motto - “Success isn’t just about what you accomplish in your life, it’s about what you inspire others to do”. This philosophy of life is what motivates and inspires her to grow every day and to take action toward her goals to improve not only her life but also the lives of those around her. Did you know that stress is a state of mind that was originally designed to protect our ancestors from dangerous situations (like a tiger)? Even though, the risk of meeting a tiger nowadays is close to nil, the brain will still trigger the same stress response to the modern day stressors: a job interview, a growing pile of papers on your desk, your children screaming around you while you are trying to finish an important report that your boss is waiting for, that driver who cuts you off, the news etc…. Ask yourself:
Awareness (of your triggers, your reactions, your early signs, your perceptions and beliefs) is the key that will help you manage your stress. And by practicing mindfulness you will develop this awareness and know the answers to the previous questions. You will be able to interrupt stress cycles before they go out of control. And finally you will be able to change your relationship with stress to get a quality of mind that is calmer. By Nadege ESTEBAN, Founder of Wise Mind. As a certified professional coach, she lives by her passionately endorsed motto - “Success isn’t just about what you accomplish in your life, it’s about what you inspire others to do”. This philosophy of life is what motivates and inspires her to grow every day and to take action toward her goals to improve not only her life but also the lives of those around her. Like most of people, this is the time of the year that I like to reflect on my goals, actions, behaviors and decisions of this year 2015 and to plan my goals and actions for the next year. But this year I will add something new to this process: I will also set up my intentions. In reality, this is already something that I have been doing for a while like setting my intentions for the day, for a meeting, for a radio interview, for a coaching session with my coachees, for my own meditation and yoga practices, for the time I spend with my family and my friends etc… I just found this experience so powerful. I feel that it brings more intentions to everything I do, it grounds me more into the present moment, lets me be more engaged into my journey and not only focusing on the destination. I feel by the way that by combining the two, I enjoy more both: the journey and the destination. And compared to the goal setting process which requires mainly cognitive processes like analyzing, planning, imagining, reasoning, I find that with intention setting, it allows me to express myself more from my heart. What is the difference between setting a goal and setting an intention? Goals are something you want to achieve, to do, and you are ready to make some effort for that. It is about choosing where you want to be in your life. Intentions are more about how you want to be in your life. They are some guiding principles on how you want to be, live and show up in this world, how you want to be aligned to and embody your values and your desires. It is a way of being connected to your authenticity and to what matters most for you. It can be a purpose, an attitude, an aim that you deeply commit to. So:
How do I do that? I like the process that Mike Robbins presents in his article[i]. You first start to set your intentions. From them, you define your SMART[ii] goals and then the actions for each of these goals that will help you manifest your goals and intentions. It is also useful to determine your support system: hiring a coach, get a buddy, setting up or joining a support group etc… Let’s look at this process from a real example: for this year, one of my intentions is to unleash my authentic voice and creative juice. So I have set the goal to write for at least 10 minutes per day and to have published 1 book in 2016. My action plan is built around creating the space (physical and time) for writing, continuing to be an active participant of the KL writers’ group founded by my friend Jo Parfitt[iii], and not stopping writing until I have reached the time limit. 10 minutes is voluntarily easy to reach because I believe that when you want to start and stick to a new routine, it is easier to use the strategy of “quick wins”. This will enable you to build your new habit, the condition sine qua none for changing. For me, it is not goals versus intentions, I believe that by combining both it is even more powerful. And I encourage you to do both, however, for those who feel too overwhelmed by the goal setting process, setting your intentions is already a good start. Whatever you choose to do, just remember that “Every journey begins with the first step of articulating the intention, and then becoming the intention” (Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason). My questions to you:
[i] http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Setting-and-Achieving-Goals-with-Intention#ixzz3vcRu4L2f [ii] SMART = Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic/Relevant, Timely [iii] look for “KL Writers” on Facebook Inspire others by sharing this post. Sharing is caring. Studies have proven that a mindfulness training has an impact on the brain area related to attention, which is not really surprising since mindfulness is about "paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally" (Jon Kabat-Zinn). The first step of the Wise Mind's mindfulness program is therefore about attention training. Why is it important? This attention training is important in many ways because your ability to pay attention is the gateway to many cognitive functions and will allow you to get a high resolution perception of your thoughts, feelings and body sensations. What we will do? We will train different types of attention through mindfulness meditations:
What is the outcome ? With this training, you will be able to switch the type of attention whenever and however you want. Then you will be able to:
For more information about Wise Mind's mindfulness program, starting on the 19th of January: here Inspire someone by sharing this post!
"The way you start your day determines how well you live your day" (Robin Sharma)... Start your day mindfully... try this coffee meditation: click here. And share your thoughts below. In this TedxKCS “To reach beyond your limits by training your mind”[1], Marisa Peer explains the 4 rules of your mind and how they can help you to collaborate better with your mind:
So if you want your mind to do whatever you want it to do, you have to tell it exactly what you want in specific words, with a detailed image. But that is not enough, you need to link these words and pictures with massive pleasure and make it familiar. It is about reprogramming your mind in the right way and making a request to your brain for your success. [1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCv-ZBy6_yU
Emotions are not bad. Actually, they are there for a reason. They are kind of messengers that tell you what is happening inside your body. So by being mindful of your emotions, you actually get more connected to yourself and your needs. You, then, are able to choose the best behavior and attitudes. For example, feeling tired means you need to sleep. Feeling afraid when facing a real danger alerts you and prepares you to deal with it. What is not helpful, however, is how you may react to them. Intuitively, you may try to find a distraction (binge eating in front of the TV when you feel sad for example) or try to ignore them, making them even bigger. As we say, “what we resist, persists”. They can also become uncontrollable, or in other words, they can control you. If you feel angry because your colleagues have not invited you to a party and you start to ruminate and get caught up in your emotions, this is the kind of situation where you can just lose your ability to control your behavior. You might just tell them or do something that you might regret. And what if the fact that you are not invited is just due to an administrative error or a misunderstanding? It reminds me of that quote from the Greek philosopher Aristotle: getting angry is okay so long as you get “angry for the right reason with the right person to the right degree using the right words with the right tone of voice and appropriate language”. So how mindfulness can help you deal with your emotions?
With mindfulness, you don’t try to change the nature of the emotions, you just notice, acknowledge and accept them with kindness and no-judgement. You are a better self-observer and this is what I have found personally very insightful. For instance, with my two active young children, it was easy to lose my temper and say things that I regret after. Now with mindfulness, I can detect the emotions when arising by noticing –without getting caught up in - some of my body signals (for me it is when my jaw starts to clench) and my thoughts. That is really helpful to not react in an inappropriate, destroying and unthoughtful way. Instead, it allows me to pause, to consider the situation from their points of view (which may be so different from mine… yes, beds are like trampoline, so why can’t we jump on them?!), to remind me of my role as a parent (“What is the teaching opportunity in this situation?”) and to have a more helpful response. OK, I admit it is not always easy when we feel tired, or when it is the twentieth time that you tell them not to jump onto your bed, but I am improving myself and I am more conscious and intentional. And that’s what is important, nobody is perfect. Learning how to deal with your emotions should be one of the top educational priority for children and it starts with you. It is a crucial personal developmental goals and, according to Daniel Goleman, the leading researcher on emotional intelligence, it is a “good factor that determine life success”. And of course, it is also an important quality to better live all together in this world.
"There is no “maximum time” for meditation. However, in any case, don’t meditate longer than your motivation – or you may get tired of the practice. Don’t stretch your motivation. Protect it. This is very important."[i] I like that point because most of the time when we try something new, we are very motivated at the beginning, we feel energized and so confident. And we have the tendency to overdoing it. This may help in short term, however in a longer term – and this is what we are looking for when starting the mindfulness journey – we just get burnt out… So my advice to you, start small, begin by practicing short mindfulness meditations, 20’, 15’, 10, 5’ or even 1’, or only practice what we call “informal mindfulness” (during your daily activities) but just do it every day. In coaching, we often use this “quick-win” strategy to make sure that nothing can lead the coachee to fail: Start small and stay committed. The aim is to first build the habit of practicing mindfulness and this is a better approach for a long term perspective. Then, mindfulness will just become a natural thing to do, as part of your daily hygiene like brushing your teeth and taking a shower. All the best to you! [i] Giovanni Dienstmann, from Live and Dare
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AuthorHi ! I'm Nadege Esteban. As a Mindfulness Trainer and Coach, I promote mindfulness as a way of living and working… and I gave myself this personal mission: to inspire as much as possible people to give mindfulness a try and hopefully to adopt it in their daily life. Be Inspired
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